Saturday 4 May 2013

Callum Scott - Chicken Curry - It's Really Not Difficult HONEST

This is a recipe of my own devising, so I've not called it anything more grand than chicken curry, but the flavours and sauce are redolent of a lot of South Indian dishes. It's really easy to make so if anyone says that making curry from scratch is complicated but worth it, tell them to fuck off. It is worth it, but it's not complicated. Seriously. Also, if anyone says they make curry from scratch and then uses a bought curry paste or curry powder, tell them to fuck even offer. This is objectively a piece of piss, and not too expensive after the initial outlay for all the spices.

Curry Paste Ingredients
- A red onion, roughtly chopped - this is quite a sweet curry, so it works well here
-2 cloves of garlic
-A thumb-sized piece of root ginger, sliced
-2-3 long thin green chillies
-2 tsp ground coriander
-1 and a half tsp cumin
-2tsp tomato puree
-1tsp ground cinnamon, turmeric, black pepper and paprika
-2tbsp oil

How to make the curry paste:

You know all that stuff? The stuff in the list up there. Put it all in a blender. Done. How fucking difficult is that? Seriously.

Chicken Curry Ingredients
-About 400g skinless boneless chicken thighs- Don't buy breasts you idiot.
- 5 or 6 cardamom pods
- 2 or 3 cloves
- A red and a green pepper, sliced into big chunks
- Half a head of cauliflower in fairly large bits
- Half a tin of chopped tomatoes
- 1 carton coconut cream
-Some salt

How to make the curry:

Start by frying off your curry paste with the cardamom and cloves until the onions are translucent and your kitchen smells fucking incredible.
Add the chicken (might need a bit more oil), turn up the heat slightly and brown it off.
Throw in your vegetables and liquid ingredients and simmer for about half an hour till the sauce is thick and the chicken's cooked through. If the sauce thickens too soon, just add a little more tomatoes or some water.
Your curry should be fairly bright orange.

Season it, and serve it with rice, naan, or whatever you eat curry with. Either take out the cloves and cardamom or just warn people to keep an eye out for them (probably easier)

I don't understand what's so difficult about that. If there's anything about it you do find difficult it's because I'm a shitty writer, so leave a comment and I'll try and clear it up.

Tuesday 5 March 2013

Joby Mageean - Eggs Bandido


¡EGGS BANDIDO!



This is a recipe I invented this morning as I had some left over bolognese and I have always enjoyed spicy food, especially for breakfast. so this meal is a Mexican take on the famous New York dish Eggs Benedict. I have named it Eggs Bandido as it is the only Spanish word I know that sounds a bit like Benedict and I am a whore for cheap puns.

Ingredients

Left over bolognese (alternatively you can make from scratch although that is a lot of commitment for breakfast)
Chilli Powder 
2 Large eggs
Brown Bread
Butter
Oregano
Chilli sauce
Tobasco (other inferior hot sauces are available)
Black Pepper
Cheese (whatever your preference is, I used Camembert) 

Firstly mix in some chilli powder to the bolognese you can also add some kidney beans if you're into that, basically you are trying to make a sort of chilli. Now at this point you are probably thinking "why wouldn't you just use leftover chilli?" to which I say "HA! as if YOU would ever leave any chilli you naughty little piggy!"... seriously though you can do that as well if you like. Now take that Chilli and heat it in a way you seem fit, fry or saucepan would probably be best but I see no harm in a microwave.. I feel they have a stigma they have never earned. I mean I haven't done the scientific research, but they're probably fine. So heat up the Chilli and stick on some toast.

Poaching the eggs

So people poach eggs differently.. It's just one of those things that you are just going to have to get over. Like the fact that that girl you like with the funky hair from Manchester says plaster differently than you do, yes it's a tad strange but constantly telling her "that's not how it's pronounced, You speak wrong!" is not likely to change her decision to have sex with you so you might as well just stop it!...  I find Thom Milson's Recipe for Poached eggs pretty spot on, Personally though I just crack 2 eggs in boiling water for a few minutes then take them out. as for vinegar I have a vast selection of vinegar and can tell you that Cider Vinegar works really well, but any is fine, just splash a bit in the water. 

butter your toast and add large spoonfuls of the chilli, grate or slice some cheese on top and then place on the 2 eggs.. a bit of chilli sauce, Tobasco and some salt and pepper for seasoning and you're golden... add some oregano because it always makes food look more like food and serve. 



A lovely Mexican-style breakfast to enjoy!


¡Fresco Fiesta! (my spanish is very poor)

Joby x


Saturday 19 January 2013

Michael Sterrett - Stuffed Potato Skins



With a strangely fitting lack of ceremony the Leeds comedy club Mr Bens closed this month. I for one was sad to see it go. I have some great memories of the place. It was a club where both myself and many of my peers cut our teeth. The Monday night gong show was a real rite of passage for anyone coming up in the North of England comedy scene and Mark Hayden who booked the show is a genuine champion for both new talent and left field comedy. I met many funny people and forged good friendships in that odd red basement. There's chat that Mr Bens may return in some form but for the time being I'm going to lie on my side weeping quietly and repeating Sully O'Sullivan's incantation, "...some of these people have come from as far away as Beeston", until I remember how to be funny again. Long live Mr Bens.

Stuffed Potato Skins


This is a lovely recipe for the cold winter nights and if you can't manage all four potatoes they make a great snack that will keep in the fridge for ages. Don't scrimp on the cheese and salt or you will end up with a baked spud which could be accurately described as Bland-O-Rama. You can also substitute cream for the yogurt if you are feeling especially decadent darling. I also occasionally thrown in a bit of steamed cabbage.

4 medium sized potatoes
200g grated strong cheddar
3 scallions
100g butter
200g natural yogurt
Sea salt
Black pepper

Wash and prick your potatoes with a fork then rub the skin with a generous amount of sea salt. I tend to put a metal skewer through the potatoes which helps them cook quickly but it's not 100% necessary.

Chop your scallions finely, seperating the white and green shoots. Put the green shoots to one side and slowly sautee the white shoots in a little olive oil. Just before they begin to brown take them off the heat and leave them to cool.

After an hour in the oven at 220 degrees take out your spuds and cut them in half.

Get a big bowl and use a table spoon to scoop out the lovely soft potato. Add your butter, yogurt, fried scallions and half the cheese. When you have a nice coarse mash you can season the mixture with salt and black pepper to your taste.

Take the mixture and spoon it back into the potato skins before covering them with the rest of the cheese and the green scallion shoots. Bang the filled skins back in the oven for 5-10 minutes depending on how well done you like your cheese.

You're always advised to leave food to cool after being in the oven but I just eat it straight away because I have no sensitivity left in my body and I am a maverick who plays by his own rules.

Best consumed whilst listening to Madame George by Van Morrison.

@mjsterrett

Monday 14 January 2013

Dave Rivers - Pizza

Dave Rivers is a Leeds comic who runs a regular night at Bierkeller on the last Monday of every month.



I base a lot of my act on my addiction to junk food. It’s all based in truth – I’m a terrible human being. I enjoy cooking but I can’t make anything as tasty as a KFC Chicken zinger Tower Burger, MacDonald’s Chicken Nuggets or a Burger King Steakhouse Angus Burger (my ultimate favourite). But the idea of being a good cook vaguely, and I mean vaguely, interests me.

I spent New Year’s in Naples with my Girlfriend’s family, she’s half a pasta face, celebrating her parent’s 40 wedding anniversary. Their food is amazing, the pasta, anti pasti and even the salads. But it was the thin crust pizzas that really turned me on. It seemed so simple and easy do – and not totally unhealthy.

So, having been inspired by Italy’s beautiful flavours and my local Dominos Pizza’s recent price hike, I decided to teach myself how to make my own pizza. £17.99 for a large pizza? They’re putting themselves out of business…

On a side note, a Margarita pizza costs less than a pound to make (when you have all the ingredients from the first time).

The Pizza Base

            Step one, pre heat your oven as high as it will go.

Ingredients
2 cups water from the hot tap
1 packet of instant yeast
2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon of sugar

This bit’s going to get sticky. I just thought I would give you a heads up. If you have a long sleeve anything on, take it off. Don’t roll the sleeves up, they’ll just fall down. I miss my cardigan.

In a large bowl, mix your water and yeast together. Yeast’s weird isn’t it?

Add flour, salt and sugar and mix with your hands until it because a big malleable dough.

Add more flour if it’s really sticky. You may have to add a lot depending on how much the dough absorbs. Don’t worry through, it will still be delicious!

Scatter flour over a clean surface in your kitchen. Not loads, just like a frosting. Like it’s snowed, but it’s crap and hasn’t really laid. Have fun later cleaning this. Move your dough onto this surface.

Roll the dough around in the flour. Add more to the surface if it starts sticking. When it’s stopped sticking, roll it out into a circle. N.B. I made my first pizza in a roasting pan, it doesn’t have to be a circle. Best tip: Find something you can bake it in, and mould it into that shape.

For me, the thinner the base, the better – but do what you prefer – do a stuffed bloody crust if you’re feeling fancy! You’ll probably have some left over. Good news, it lasts for a week in the fridge! I see more pizza in your future!

That was easy! If you haven’t ordered take away yet, you should’ve. Leave your base to the side for the moment, it’s toppings making time.

The Tomato Sauce

Ingredients
Tin of chopped tomatoes
2 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
Olive oil
A few leaves fresh basil
Dash of salt and freshly ground black pepper
Little squeeze of ketchup

            Step one, blend it all together. Done.

This is also a great pasta sauce. To use as a pasta sauce, I suggest cooking some mince and letting it reduce in the pan before adding pasta. It’s proper nice though.

Pour it onto your pizza base. If you like it saucy, pour loads on. If you like it dry, pour loads on because you’ll probably like that better. You tosser.

Toppings for my favourite pizza

There’s no guidelines on amounts here because it’s kinda up to you.

Ingredients
Mozzarella ball
Ricotta cheese
Pepperoni/Napolitano Sausage/Chorizo
Chicken.
Spinach

With your hands, tear the Mozzarella up onto the pizza. You can slice it in circles if you want it to look like an Aldi pizza. Distribute the ricotta in blobs over the pizza. Put it in the oven (oh wow it’s hot! Bet you’re glad you preheated it now!) for about 10 minutes.

Take it out and add your toppings (except the spinach). Then stick it back in for approx. 10 minutes or until it starts burning around the edge. A couple of minutes before the end, add your spinach.



            And you’re done! Congrats, you can now apply for an Italian passport.

            …I’m off to Burger King Drive Thru.

@DaveRiversUK

Monday 7 January 2013

Callum Scott - Spicy Winter Soup

I was bored, and just made some pretty fucking great soup. Thought I'd share it here.

Ingredients

1 onion, chopped
1 leek, halved lengthways and chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1 clove garlic and half a red chilli, finely chopped
1tsb olive oil
Small handful of mixed pulses for soup (the kind with pasta in that only takes 10 minutes)
100g cooked chicken, chopped
2 chicken stock cubes
1l boiling water
1tbsp tomato puree
1tsp dried oregano

This is kind of minestrone-like, but I didn't follow a recipe so the fucker's mine and entirely of my creation.

Gently soften the veg, garlic and chilli in the oil for about 5-10mins on a low heat.
Add the water, stock cubes, oregano and tomato puree and simmer for 10mins, covered
Add the pulses and chicken and cook till everything's done
Serve with bread and that.